


Machigatta no Otoko (The wrong man)

by vogue91



Category: Arashi (Band), Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Advice, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-10
Updated: 2018-04-10
Packaged: 2019-04-21 01:57:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14274426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vogue91/pseuds/vogue91
Summary: He had known him for fifteen years now, they had always been friend and Jun had always been honest with him.He owed him as much.





	Machigatta no Otoko (The wrong man)

That morning was colder than usual.

Aiba had woken up in his bed, with no desire at all to get up and go to work.

They were supposed to shoot the new episode of the Himitsu no Arashi.

Jun and him.

When he had known they were going to be together, he had felt a tad anxious and a tad excited.

He needed to talk to him, but he didn’t really want to.

And yet, he knew he couldn’t avoid it. He had been waiting for a chance for days, yet he didn’t know what to say to him, exactly.

He had avoided being alone with him, because he actually didn’t feel ready.

But he had waited too long now, and he couldn’t take it anymore. He felt horribly guilty about what was going on, but the fact that Jun ignored it made him feel even worse.

He had known him for fifteen years now, they had always been friend and Jun had always been honest with him.

He owed him as much.

 

~

 

That morning, Jun didn’t feel calm.

He had this weird feeling that something unpleasant was about to happen. And, as much as he realized how irrational it was, he couldn’t shake it off of him.

It was Aiba, he decided.

Since he had stepped inside the car, he had realized there was something wrong with him.

While they went around he had kept his usual composure (so, no composure at all), but as soon as the cameras were off he kept quiet, and avoided his gaze at all costs.

Jun was deeply annoyed, and very much confused; not knowing what was going on, what had happened to his friend, made him even more nervous.

It was just once the shooting was over that he decided to catch him off guard.

They had said goodbye to the staff and the guest, and they were ready to go back home, when Jun stopped him in the hallways of the TBS’ studios, grabbing his wrist.

Aiba jumped and turned, then lowered his eyes when he realized it was him.

“Matsujun... what is it?” he asked, a voice so low that the other had rarely heard on him.

“Want to grab dinner together? It’s late, and I don’t really feel like going home and cook.” he asked, smiling, pretending that nothing weird was going on.

“Okay, fine. Actually... there’s something I wanted to talk to you about.”

And the smile, as awkward as it was, disappeared completely.

 

~

 

Aiba played with the chopsticks on his okonomiyaki.

Well, more than playing, it was more accurate to say he was torturing it.

He was nervous, and he was pretty sure he had never felt like this before.

He had almost managed to run from his responsibilities, but Jun hadn’t let him; he clearly had seen that something was wrong, and after all Aiba knew he hadn’t been a great actor at all.

His friend had always been particularly perceptive of other people’s moods, a quality he had always appreciated in him.

Until now.

He saw Jun snapping his fingers in front of him, as to wake him up from a trance.

“Aiba-chan? Are you still with us?” he asked, ironic. Aiba chuckled, shrugging.

“Gomen ne, Jun-kun. I was just spacing out a bit.” the other frowned, sceptical.

“So? What did you want to talk about?”

Aiba held his breath. He fought the desire to stand up and run, deeming it too childish and cowardly to actually do that.  

He put the chopsticks down, and forced himself to look Jun in the eyes.

He saw his concern, his confusion, blending with some sort of anxiety, as if he feared the worst.

And, Aiba knew, he wasn’t going to be disappointed by what he had to say.

“It’s not easy. I wish I never had to talk about this with you but... I owe it to you, somehow. I mean, I would’ve told you anyway because your my friend, and I don’t want to keep anything from you, because...”

“Masaki!” the other yelled, glaring. Aiba lowered his eyes, blushing. He realized how little sense his word made, but he couldn’t do better.

He looked down. Again, he took a deep breath. Again, he raised his eyes, now more resolute.

“Jun... I’m afraid I’ve fallen in love.”

 

~

 

Jun had opened his eyes wide.

He didn’t understand.

 _I’m afraid I’ve fallen in love_... in love. He was glad that Aiba wanted to confide in him, glad that he was in love.

But he didn’t understand that ‘afraid’. He didn’t understand his face, that still looked funereal.

He kept staring at him, antsy.

“With whom?” he asked, and his instinct told him that he didn’t want to hear the answer to that question.

His friend seemed about to burst into tears, and Jun wanted to scream.

“Aiba...” he said, seen that he kept quiet. “Aiba-chan, with whom?” he repeated.

Masaki bit his lip, and now he wasn’t looking at him anymore.

“With the wrong man.” he murmured.

And Jun understood. He did, because there was just one person with whom it would’ve been wrong to fall in love.

He swallowed. He wished he was wrong. He wanted to pretend he hadn’t gotten what he was saying. He wanted to stand up, go away, run. Not listen to him anymore.

Instead, he chose to hurt himself.

“Come on, say it.” he insisted, a tone so reluctant that it was a contradiction in itself.

He wished Aiba would’ve said a different name than the one he was thinking.

He wasn’t so lucky.

“Jun... it’s Sho.”

Aiba was right, he was the wrong man.

It was wrong, because Sho was as straight as they come.

It was wrong, because Sho hated being in the middle of that kind of situation, and having to disappoint a friend.

It was wrong, because Jun had already fought that fight.

And had lost.

“Oh.” he just said. He nodded, biting his lips, trying to find the right reaction as quickly as possible, and then realizing he wasn’t going to deceive someone who had known him so long.

“Do you want to tell him?” was the only thing that had come to his mind. Aiba blushed, and nodded briefly.

Jun closed his eyes for a split second.

“I... I wanted to tell you because I know what you feel for Sho, I know what’s happened between the two of you and...” he blabbed confusedly, but Jun interrupted him straight away.

“Aiba-chan... there was nothing between Sho-kun and I. I’ve told him I felt something for him and he told me he didn’t. That was it. I don’t feel anything for him anymore.” the moment he said those words, he felt like a monster.

He hated lying to Aiba.

“Do you think it’s a mistake, telling him?” he asked, the voice of who really doesn’t know what to do with himself.

And it wasn’t much clearer for Jun; on one hand he didn’t want to hurt his friend telling him straightforward what he thought, and on the other he didn’t want to discourage him. Not him, not because of that.

He was caught in the middle.

“Listen, Masaki, Sho rejected me, that’s true. But it’s been years ago, he was a different man than he is now. I don’t know if it’s going to be okay or not, but... you’re not the kind of guy who swallows his feelings down, are you?”

I _am that kind of guy_ he thought. _I’m the kind of guy who doesn’t let anything show, the kind of guy who keeps his thought locked time in a part of him mind inaccessible to everybody. And I’m like this because of Sho._

He wanted to tell him that, like a thousand other times he had wished he could’ve told somebody how he felt.

But, once again, he kept quiet.

The okonomiyaki was cold by now, inedible, but he wasn’t hungry anyway.

They had gotten up, and Jun had rushed outside, feeling a dire need of fresh air.

On the sidewalk, before parting, Aiba had looked him in the eyes, finally no shadows in them.

“Jun... thank you. I suppose it wasn’t easy for you hearing me say... well, how I feel. But like I’ve said, you’ve been through that and you’re my friend and...”

“You had to tell me. I know, Masaki.” he replied, tired.

They smiled briefly, but Aiba’s smile was far more honest than his own.

They had gone to their cars, they had wished a good night and they had finally parted.

Jun got in, leaning against the backrest.

“Good luck, Aiba-chan.” he murmured, before turning the engine on and leaving.

He was going to need it.

 

~

 

_“Aiba-chan... I’m sorry.”_

_“But you and I... we’re still friends, right?”_

_“Thank you. I love you, you know that.”_

Aiba felt like crying, but he knew it would’ve been pointless.

He had deluded himself.

He had thought to be different. That _Sho_ had become different.

But, after all, he couldn’t blame him if their interests ran in complete opposite directions.

That day was colder than usual. He was sitting in the green room, waiting for the shooting to start.

It was early, and he was still alone; but for once, he didn’t mind.

The first one to arrive was Jun. Aiba raised his eyes, nodding to greet him, and his friend tilted his head, smiling sadly at him.

“It didn’t go as you’d hoped, right?” he asked. Aiba sighed, then shrugged.

“You knew that, didn’t you?” he asked, tired.

Jun shook his head then went sitting next to him.

“No. I could imagine, but I didn’t know. As I’ve said... time has passed. And then again, you’re not me.” he said, bitterly.

Aiba turned to look at him and then, instinctively, he hugged him.

“I’m in no way better than you. Sho’s straight, that’s all. It’s not me and it’s not you.”

Jun smiled for the capacity the other had of soothing him when he should’ve been the one being soothed.

“Yes, you’re probably right. But... you still feel rejected, don’t you? Like a weight has fallen down on you and you can’t take it off. Or am I wrong?” Aiba frowned. He waited a few moments, but he didn’t answer his question; instead, he asked him something else.

“You’re not over it, are you? Are you still in love with him?” he asked, and Jun laughed, sad.

“You think it’s so obvious?”

“No, not so much. But if you’ve felt like I do now, I don’t see how it could be completely gone. It’s a wound that never goes away entirely, right?”

Aiba wanted to be reassured, and Jun wished he could’ve done that.

But he wasn’t taking it to the point of lying to his friend.

“No, not completely. It becomes a scar and you go on. You stop thinking about it. But it’s there, and you can’t forget it exists.”

Aiba rested his head on his shoulder, giving in to tiredness, more mental than physical.

“Well, at least there’s two of us, right? Doesn’t it make you feel slightly better?”

They laughed, together.

It wasn’t much of a consolation, and they both knew that. But Aiba was right.

It wasn’t about them sharing the same pain, more the fact that in the world existed someone who knew exactly how the other one felt.

Jun kept quiet, knowing that Masaki didn’t expect an answer anyway.

If a few days ago he hadn’t wanted to hear what he had to say, to know about his love for Sho and how he felt about it, now he was glad, somehow.

He was glad because he knew what was waiting for him, and he was going to be there, offering him a shoulder to cry on, an ear that was going to listen to him. A friend who could understand.

What he wished he had had years before.

They stayed there, silent, until the others arrived.

They shared a common illness and there was no need for words; not anymore.


End file.
